I’ve blogged a little about it before, but Facebook is doing straaange things to my head.
One: I have learned that I am a Negative Nelly. I look back and remember all the reasons relationships with Facebook’s ghosts of the past didn’t work. They’ve contacted me and told me all the wonderful things they missed about friendship with me. [Insert eerie noise of brain doing flip-flop here.] Hold up. There’s a different perspective?
OK, there being different perspectives is going to seem acutely obvious to people with more evolved brains than mine (most of you), but coming from an apparently self-centered person, this is huge. The world doesn’t exist solely as I see it.
Result of FB Lesson One? I have forgiven some of the hurt that signaled the end of former relationships. I have mentally salvaged the good bits, dusted them off and said, “Yeah, this is worth holding on to.” Channels of communication are re-opened and I’m feeling the love again.
Two: There are people I thought were friends who I may have to de-friend in the real world. A woman I singularly admired as the coolest, awesomest girl I knew keeps company with total flakes. It’s harsh to judge people by lame, isolated computer-generated quips, but the digital company she keeps speaks volumes about her. She gets eighteen comments for everything that she posts and they all say, “Love you!” “You are so cool!” “Rad!”
FB isn’t a digital collective of genius conversation, but all of her friends are so inane. Why would she keep the company of so many sycophantic nabobs who can never string together a more coherent sentence than “Your [classy, elegant party] ruled! Yeah!” And all eighteen of the other respondents said the same thing. What digital “friends” universally declare incoherently that this major, beautiful milestone in your life “ruled”? Unsavory. Sorry friends, you’re judged by the company you keep, and your company says “tacky” all over it.
Maybe that’s the Negative Nelly and I should assume that some people have trouble communicating via computer, but, um, that many of them? I’m going to have to go back to Lesson One and remember the good conversations I’ve had tete-a-tete with this woman and hold onto what I believe about her intelligence. Who knows why we have the friends we have, I guess, I just wish that hers reflected her better nature.
Facebook, you blow my mind. I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but Facebook is reconstructing my world view.
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3 comments:
I recently found some degree of peace with Facebook. As more and more people were hopping onto the bandwagon, I had begun to hate it more and more. The noise in the ratio had increase dramatically. As is often the case, the few were ruining it for the rest of us ("[Name] loves toast!" [Name2] Likes this! "[Name3] your toast is awesome!") I can relate entirely your second point.
But, here's how I found peace with the site: Hide and Friend Lists. Hiding the annoying posters and the (really, really) annoying apps makes the site so much better. Friend Lists lets you control who sees what. Fantastic.
So, hide the real-world friend's Facebook self from your feed, then you won't have to worry about seeing their friends. The friend will never know, and you can still check on them manually.
FB threw me on a big emotional rollercoaster for a while because I was receiving friend requests from a massive group of people who I never wanted to hear from (again), let alone see their names and status updates. I had to de-friend my own parents from my FB page just for the freaks THEY had friended... ULGH! found out about the security settings, and it's changed everything.
I've also noticed how often a comment I make can be misconstrued and misunderstood so quickly and easily. Online communication is so annoying this way - and does not lend help to sarcasm and snarkiness... I've had to really think about my comments before posting them, carefully choosing my words as to not be mis-taken. It's difficult sometimes...
I do love FB for the fact that I can see in an instant, for example, that Lotus Hoops is gettin' noticed; and Li'l Monya's cousin came to town!! I haven't seen Monya's cousin since we were about 12, and I went to school with her from kindergarten-on. So, it's super great in that way - but definitely has reconstructed online relating for me... And I do find it interesting that some people get CRAZY amounts of feedback and comments... I think it has to do with their general social popularity with the friends they have, and the way they post their status updates...
blabbing on too long now...
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