Remember to rinse thoroughly, a tale in 25 steps

Tonight turned out to dog bath night. Dog bath sounds like a simple canine washing procedure, but it actually entails many, many tedious and sometime laborious steps.

Step 1: Put dog bed in washer.
Step 2: Take dog outside with you while you garden to make sure she gets dirty before the bath, not after.
Step 3: Disassemble dog crate
Step 4: Wash the barest minimum of dog crate surfaces with extreme vigor and very hot water.
Step 5: Remember to check dog bed in washer. It has been unbalanced the entire time.
Step 6: Rearrange huge, heavy, wretchedly soaked dog bed and blankets into balance and pray the washing machine will work this time.
Step 7: Ignore dog. Rest. Pretend like she doesn't really need a bath--it will make you feel better for a little while.
Step 8: Vacuum under the dog crate. Since it is disassembled for cleaning, this is the best time to get in there. Then, what the heck, you've got the vacuum on, so you may as well do the rest of the apartment.
Step 9: Do a crappy job of putting away the vacuum.
Step 10: Remove the dog's collar.
Step 11: Police the bathroom for cat food and feces.
Step 12: Prepare bathtub for the fraidiest huntin' dog ever.
-water temperature warm
-sprayer on low volume (too much water scares her)
-sprayer already in lowered position (running water scares her)
-cover drain with stopper (the sound of water draining scares her)
Step 13: Remove dog barrier from the bathroom door and use it to cover the cat box.
Step 14: Dog enters bathroom of her own volition.
Step 15: Dog panics when she realizes where she really is.
Step 16: Reach arms around her and lift to dog into the bath (Very difficult. She's wiggling all 50 lbs of extra long awkwardness against you.).
Step 17: Step yourself into the bath and close the sliding glass doors. It's just easier this way.
Step 18: Wet down the dog and start to scrubbing.
Step 19: Use way too much shampoo for the job and wonder how you'll get it all rinsed out before she reaches her threshold and freaks out.
Step 20: Dog emerges from shower stall streaming wet, leaving huge, sopping puddles pretty much everywhere. The bathroom is destroyed, and everything else needs serious mopping up.
Step 21: Pawn off wet dog on spouse for toweling.
Step22: Return to the scene of the crime to do wet dog stampede damage control. Mopping, wiping, rinsing, wringing.
Step 23: Wonder if you really care what Blanche sleeps on tonight because it's so late; don't plan to re-check the dog bed in the laundry room til tomorrow.
Step 24: Sleep like a little lamb all through the night.
Step 25: Wake up and discover gleamingly clean, odor-free dog wagging her tail. It was worth it.