Sermonizing

A woman left a message on our answering machine some time this past Friday. She said, “I’m sorry I missed you. Many people think the world is coming to an end very soon. Your Bible tells you how to prepare, Zephaniah Chapter 2 Verses 2 and 3. God bless.” She said this in a mild, even tone, as if she were informing me that elections for city water reclamation district were coming soon, and I should refer to the local newspaper, page 2, columns 2 and 3, for more information on candidates. Seriously, that dead pan.

My thoughts follow: “How many people really think the world is going to end?” “What would I have said to her if I actually answered the phone?” “Haven’t people always thought the world was about to end?” “Who is Zephaniah and what does he have to say about plastic tarps and duct tape?”

Zephaniah is actually interested in humility: “Before you are driven away like the drifting chaff, before there comes upon you the fierce anger of the Lord, before there comes upon you the day of the wrath of the Lord, seek the Lord, all you humble of the land, who do his commands; seek righteousness, seek humility; perhaps you may be hidden on the day of the wrath of the Lord.”

That calm, mellow woman, telling me I needed to become humble to survive God’s coming wrath smacked of arrogance. I hate false humility. She called my home to tell me that she knows how to be saved, implying that she indeed will be saved, and thereby stating that she is the most humble of God’s creatures and will therefore be spared. But I don’t think that someone who calls to tell me that I am not humble is actually herself humble, and this irks me.

Have you ever had someone say to you, “I thank the Lord every time I wake up in the morning and get out of bed!” Does your skin crawl as they smugly smile at how devout and humble they are? This is mock-humility. A truly humble person who actually lives in fear of not waking and getting out of bed every single day leans in close to you and whispers, “I pray every night that I will wake in the morning and rise, and I thank God every day that I do.” Their eyes will shine with unshed tears as they are truly grateful that God has once again seen fit to spare them in all His divine mercy. They do not expect to be rewarded for humility; they hope to be. Like Zephaniah said, “maybe you will be hidden from the wrath.”

But where is the humility in “I thank God for all my gifts,” shouted loudly for everyone to hear?

Paula Abdul also values sincerity in humility. On an “American Idol” audition episode a year or so ago, a very self-satisfied young woman pranced into the try-out room and sang a country song with yodels. The girl finished singing and smiled broadly, very smug, as if she’d just said, “I thank God every morning I wake up and get out of bed!” Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson gushed about her wonderful talent, and Paula demurred, “I don’t think so. That is a very humble singing style, and nothing about you says humble. I think it’s very insincere.” Randy and Simon were outraged and the girl looked stung—stung like Paula Abdul was utterly insane and didn’t appreciate glaring humility when it sang right in front of her.

Ultimately, I don’t think humility is something Zephaniah can really preach, or that he can even adequately prepare us for the end of the world. Humility comes from a small place, so quiet, it looks like a whisper.