Best advice

I read advice columns. A lot. I don’t know why, exactly. It must be escapism or a voyeuristic thrill because I certainly never learn anything that applies to my own life: “Happily married dog-lover seeks advice on being more satisfied with her cooking.” That would be my headline. That’s about all I need from life, better cooking skills.

The theme I see over-and-over in the dozen advice columns I read is either: “she/he broke into my e-mail and now I don’t trust him/her,” or “I broke into his/her e-mail and now I don’t trust him/her.”

There’s a whole lotta e-mail breakin' in goin' on. Alternate versions include “discovering” text messages and cell phone records. Let me tell you how much I trust my husband: he knows all my passwords.

I recently read an advice column that said two friends had exchanged “password wills” so that someone could get access to all their necessary information after their passing. That’s brilliant, and it’s the only good advice in an advice column that’s ever really engaged me. But it’s still not advice that I need.

I’ve given Matthew passwords to my Netflix, ebay, Paypal, you name it, he’s got it. He even knows the password to my e-mail, but I know he doesn’t use it, because he just never would.

Phone records? My cell phone is always on the coffee table and includes suggestive calls like “Mom and Dad,” “Sister,” and “Best Friend.” There’s nothing to hide, but even still, I know he’d never look. That’s how much I trust him and know that he trusts me.

I read so much un-trust in advice columns. Think about it. I know you read advice columns too. How many trust violations do you see? Today’s was: “he was acting weird so I found his password to his e-mail and then listened to his voicemail.” Her distrust in him caused her to act distrustfully and violate his trust in her. Trust equals negated for both parties. No one’s trusting anyone in this relationship anymore.

Instead of talking to an advice columnist, why not talk to your partner about your trust issues? Don’t dump his call logs or hack his e-mail, just talk.

And that’s my advice column for the day.