Hungry eyes

I think that by nature people are all sluts for something. There are insecurities in each of us that create holes, voids that must be filled by some tangible thing to make us feel validated and affirmed. For my husband, it’s Vans shoes. For me, it’s usually Birkenstocks and MBTs. But lately my hole is not full enough.

I confess--but let me count—I have bought eight pairs of shoes in the last week in the quest to fill the void. Eight. And one pair fit. How does a shoe whore feel about those statistics when faced with the void of inadequacy she was trying to quantifiably fill? Horrid. Whore-rid. I am slut-less. One pair of shoes does not make a fanatic. One pair of shoes is logical. And when the insecurity is obviously illogical, logic doesn’t replace the feeling of desperation.

I have heard fat women say, “Shoes always fit,” so they shop for shoes to fill their slutty needs. I’m too fat or something. My feet have sprawled to a size 8 ½ wide. Wide. I am a wide-footed whore. Shoes don’t "always fit,” as evidenced by my one of eight shoe spree.

I turn to my eyes. Eyeglasses really do always fit. I bought three pair—a serious pair, a fun pair, and sunglasses—but I had to confess my sin to Matthew. For some reason, he didn’t care about the shoe issue (maybe because he has his own shoe problem), but the eyeglasses sent him over the edge. Fortunately I was able to cancel two pair and keep the serious pair, but that slutty insecure whore inside me is really desperate for the fun pair of glasses.

Versus frames, model 8029, in plum and mango. Nothing could be hotter for my sassy slut face. Now, they’re gone. I’m left with the Silhouette in an edgy rimless shape, but they’re the business kind of frames, not the “I’m totally out there and you can see for yourself” kind of frames that the super-slut Versus showed.

Matthew and I are negotiating a shoe-whore versus eyeglass slut compromise based on relative prices of shoes to eyeglasses kept. If I only keep the one pair of shoes, I can explore the option of the inner inadequacy eyeglasses. If I keep more shoes, I can only have the necessity glasses.

I call poop to both options, because I want two shoes and two eyeglasses. What’s a slut to do when she can’t sleep around? You can’t keep a good whore down forever.