My feet hurt. I have really bad arthritis in my subtalar joint, droopy arches, and pronation. I like my new podiatrist, but her voodoo isn’t working on my right foot.
I want to go to South Africa.
In college, I somehow ended up friends with the long distance track team. And somehow they were almost all from South Africa. The South Africans told a story of a foot guru who could fix anything.
Way out in the bush, a place where there were no roads and you’d bust your car’s oil pan in a minute, there lived a man who was a master of feet. He analyzed feet and just from looking could make any orthotic to custom fit your footie needs.
The weird part of the foot guru? He used phone books. He cut pages of phone books and stacked the leaves to fit the arch.
His phone book supports were always perfect. The runners expressed reverence for his skill and spoke of him with awe. The grueling trip through the bush was worth it all.
I want that. I want to go the bush country of South Africa and have the most perfect arch supports ever. Bye-bye subtalar joint pain! Bye-bye pronation! Hello strong arches!
I’m jealous. There must be a foot guru in the United States, right? I’ll take phone book supports—no problem.
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