Yesterday was vet day for Miss Blanche DuBois. Vet day involves lots of things Blanche loves: car rides, attention from strangers, and random treats. Perfect! The only thing that makes the vet even better is all the AMAZING smells outside to pee on. Every inch, there’s a wonderful new aroma that needs to be marked. I usually leave ten minutes early just to walk the ten feet to the vet’s door.
In the vet’s, Blanche wagged her tail through weighing, ear and eye checks, three vaccinations, and a tartar tooth scraping. Never stopped the happy tail once. The one thing she didn’t like? Getting her blood drawn. No tail-wagging for that.
In what I just realized is a theme for our pets, Blanche has kinda crummy teeth. She’s more prone to plaque and tartar than other dogs and has receding gums on her canines. I asked the vet, “If you think she doesn’t need a full dental cleaning, what should we do to help keep her teeth clean?”
“Well,” he said, “that dog treat you just gave her is actually tartar control dog food. You can buy a bag of that and use it as treats and not food. Does she have any chews at home?”
“We were giving her meat bones, and she would eat the whole thing, which was keeping her teeth clean, but she quit chewing them. Now she chews the meat off and leaves the bone alone.”
The vet said, “You could try a bully stick. We sell them here, and they’re great for teeth.”
“Oh really?”
“They’re actually dried bull penis.”
He said more intelligent things about bully sticks being tough to chew and great for the teeth, but my brain stopped at “dried bull penis.” I thought I might die of laughter. “We’ll take one,” I said, with nary but a little chuckle.
The vet tech brought in a foot of shrink-wrapped dried penis. I still couldn’t get over this, but I kept my cool. “So this is what a giant dehydrated penis looks like?”
When we got home, I gave Blanche her 12 inch cock. She ate it non-stop in about 8 hours. I think it was supposed to have taken her a couple of weeks gnaw. Blanche loves penis.
2 comments:
OMG this made me LOL.
I've been signing off every e-mail "bull penis." It's pretty fun ;)
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