For the past four days, my dreadlocks have made me kinda grumpy. They didn’t hatch as glorious and beautiful as I had imagined. I guess that dreadlocking takes time. I’m not really the queen of beauty patience, which puts my endeavor into a pretty questionable no-man’s land. Buyer’s remorse? Or commit?
Today, the answer is commit. I came to work without a headwrap, looking scraggly and ragamuffinly, and I was proud. I am taking a chance, and, maybe it won’t work, but I’m willing to step out there and see what happens.
Putting myself out there? That’s big. It’s huge. Taking a chance on my already weak self-esteem by road-testing cuteness questionability, it’s a big risk. I’m generally more into risk management, not risk-taking.
Cuteness risk challenges my ability to accept me for me. It challenges me to define myself not by my body, but by my, I don’t know, personality or something. My ethereal self.
I have also turned myself into walking performance art, as my hair evolves and takes new shapes. Each little strand of poking-out stick hair makes the viewer assess, art or folly?
When you see me next, you decide. But don’t tell me, keep it to yourself. I’m tired of the “it’s cute” faction versus the “I hate it” faction. I need to hear my own voice, not theirs.
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2 comments:
Give it a month, then reassess, I say. It takes time for the hair to "train" into it's new pattern. This could be your "now I love scarves and headwraps" moment!
Good luck -
They'll be cute soon, I betcha.
love, hope
Thanks Hope. I've decided the hair has until February 28 to figure out what it's doing. By then, if I cut it out, it will be hot in St. Augustine so I won't mind going shorn. I'm hopeful though. There's a site called dreadheadhq.com that has some dread accelerator products. I'm hopeful they'll rock my hair. And I'm owning it. I'm confronting the world with, "this is my hair, you deal with your hang-ups." I think it's a heathily defiant approach.
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