Foreign correspondent

I can’t say those words without accidentally telling you where I’m from. It’s supposed to sound kinda like “fah-renn cah-res-pahn-dent.” When I say it, it sounds kinda like “foar-inn co-res-pon-dent.” I can’t help it. I’m from Louisville, Kentucky; it’s just the way we talk. We say “Ah” instead of “I,” and when we’re leaving you we say “bah-bah!”

To give a fair impression of what I sound like, think of Muhammad Ali. He’s also from Louisville, and though he’s black and I’m white, our accents are still pretty similar. Yesterday, Muhammad Ali sold the rights to his voice and likeness to CKX entertainment-rights firm. I can’t quote him to demonstrate our similar pronunciation for fear of litigation. I’ll be interested to see how he’s marketed as a product now that he’s a commodity.

Selling one’s likeness is a time-honored tradition in Kentucky. The other famous face that comes to mind is the one and only Colonel Sanders. Harlan Sanders actually existed. He actually invented the Kentucky Fried Chicken 11 secret herbs and spices. It seems unlikely that such a man ever existed, judging by today’s wariness of corporate promotion strategies, but he was an actual guy, and he’s buried in Louisville’s Cave Hill Cemetery.

After many years in the restaurant business, Harlan decided to sell KFC. He got old and his hair turned white, and he was probably ready to retire. The catch came when he sold the rights to his name and his likeness along with the restaurant. It’s why the Colonel still pops up in animated advertisements and his mug is on buckets of fried deliciousness.

I hope the Colonel’s type of marketing blitz remains “fah-renn” to Ali. I’d hate to see his animated likeness tout his new line of snack pack as “The Greatest.”